Divine Grace in Bearing Witness

 by Monk Shari Shea

In late March of this year, my mother had a serious fall in her bedroom. She was bending down at her closet trying to pick up a pair of shoes. Upon beginning to stand, she fell over backward, hitting her head and left side on the corner of her dresser. My father rang to let me know of her fall and shared that she was in terrible pain. Somehow he had managed to help her into bed and was contemplating calling an ambulance. I agreed that he should do so. Meanwhile, I popped into my car and drove over to their house. I arrived at the same time as the ambulance. Mom being the tough cookie that she is, (and having worked as a Registered Nurse for over forty years) wanted to stay put in her bed. We overruled her though, and agreed that it would be best for her to be checked out at the hospital.

The hospital X-rays revealed that she had two fractured ribs and a Pneumothorax. The doctor shared with me that Vascular injuries of this type at mom’s age of 90, usually hold a 10% survival rate. That being said, I knew that mom would heal of these injuries, and we would bring her home. We visited her all three days that she was in the hospital, and (outside of her screened window) each day of the two weeks that she was in rehab. I was so inspired and amazed at her strength, resilience, and determination to heal against all odds. It was even more than the words I just mentioned. It was her Faith in God to take care of her. My mother is a very strong and rigid religious person. Her strict views on things played a role with us never being very close in relationship with one another, aside from when I was a little child. She would say, "the Lord give-eth, and the Lord take-eth away." The time had now come when she was modeling for me, because she knew there was a plan for her, and it was not yet her time to leave this life.

The day to bring her home from rehab. had finally arrived. It was an intense road for a while as she received Masonicare OT and PT three to four times a week, along with a visiting nurse. After that, she was very ready for peace and quiet. During the heightened times of Covid19, we did not visit inside our parents' home with them. We grocery shopped for them each week, and simply dropped the bags onto the kitchen floor, for dad to put away. Screened window visits, and an occasional deck visit, was all we saw of them. We, therefore, did not know how weak and frail mom had become prior to her fall.

My mom has had undiagnosed Parkinson’s Disease for at least five years, before agreeing to be tested. She experiences constant right hand/arm tremors, mouth tremors, and left foot/leg tremors. Some of her other health issues include high blood pressure, severe anxiety, and crippling arthritis in her hands and fingers. These have all worsened during the Pandemic. It is with great difficulty that she handles utensils and her food with her hands. I am simply amazed to witness Grace all around her in this process of “seeming suffering." One day she was sharing with me about the body pain she was experiencing and she said, "I guess I’m just meant to suffer." This was followed by a laugh, so I laughed along with her. She was teaching me to find humor even in our challenges. To trust the process, even when we don’t know the outcome. To find the silver lining which in her own words “Well at least I’m not in a coffin, going into the ground." She fully trusts that she will depart (her words), “when the good Lord"... is ready to take her.

After her fall, mom had to begin using a walker all the time. She has become increasingly wobbly and unsteady on her feet. She would not be able to bathe herself alone anymore. One of the biggest changes for her and my father was that she could not be left alone anymore. This was a huge adjustment for both of them. After a few months, we hired a companion to help her with her exercises, bathing, laundry, and companionship. I had been helping with these needs for her over the first few months. Her companion helps out on four mornings per week, for three hours each day. One of my sisters cleans for our parents each week. Having mom’s companion there frees my dad to get out of the house, without always having to rely on us. He has had to take on a huge role of caregiver for her when no one else is there to help, and mom can be very difficult at times. Mom hates being taken care of, and in her words “babied." She still tries to control us, and my words “boss us around." Her humor and ability to laugh at herself and her jokes is a side of mom I never saw growing up. In her “brokenness," a humility and Grace of acceptance, trust, and perseverance (in the name of Faith) has been her Guiding Force!

Over the past couple of months, mom has begun Hallucinating, seeing people and hearing music. We were informed during her therapy that this is one of the degenerative aspects of Parkinson’s Disease. I wonder is it just that, or is the veil thinning and she’s partially transitioning thereby seeing people in other dimensions? The latter makes more sense to me. She sees people walking all about in her home. She describes them, and what they are wearing. Sometimes they are noisy and have parties. I asked her once if Jesus was there, because he liked to party. She replied, “Jesus did not like to party!"

Shari's mother caring for a patient

I have been Blessed that during these months, mom has shared so much more about our extended family. Even the not so pretty experiences and circumstances, she is willing to express. In the past when I would ask her questions about her grandparents and others, she would just say, "oh I don't remember." Possibly she did not in fact remember. It feels as though she is being given the memories now, so that they will be handed down for generations to come. I am grateful that I have become closer with my mother over these past few months. I cherish my time with her as a Sacred Gift of Unfolding Wonder and Grace! 

I dedicate this song to my mom, as her Faith and Courage continue to astonish me!