The Gift of Vision
by Student Mary Coyne
“Why I am here?”
It’s really not about mission, purpose, using skills, gifts, or talents, working hard, making a difference, making the world a better place, no pain-no gain…
These are of secondary importance… and yet I held onto these so strongly at one time…
It’s not about a good education, prestigious occupation, seemingly successful by society’s standards…. Though I have been there.
So many beginnings and endings…
That, not this, that, not this….
All worthwhile, yet…
Still I ask… Am I good enough?
Not God’s plan for me.
Instead… it comes to light
Not from my perspective…
Not from my family or society’s perspective…
It is God’s perspective.
I felt SO much joy and witnessed myself blossoming – full of Spirit- when I simply let go and let my heart lead me.
I know why I am here.
I am here to love.
I am here to open the eyes of others to God’s limitless and unconditional love.
I am here to show others how to trust the Divine- to see beyond the circumstances- and to know that all will be well.
I am remembering who I am.
How did I arrive at this realization?
I grew up in chaos…It was wonderful preparation for life. As I look back, I realize that as I used and thus strengthened my ability to see beyond what was before me, that was my first “calling” before God. That is particularly important, you see, because in my family of seven children, four have been struggling with visual impairments that eventually leads to total vision loss. Three nephews and three nieces also have inherited the disorders. Through genetic linkage studies about 30 years ago, I learned that I do not have the mutated genes and thus am not even a carrier.
At the time, I was really conflicted. Of course, I was overjoyed that my own children would not have these challenges. Yet, I felt huge survivor’s guilt. In my life, I had been spared so many times from the problems that my siblings faced: other illnesses (polio, scarlet fever, cancer, major depression, severe anxiety to name a few…), I felt so incredibly blessed.
True, I had had several close calls with death… 5 car accidents (2 very serious, as a passenger. None were my fault. One person ran a stop sign, other made a U-turn into me, one crossed the road and hit me head-on.) Two other times, when with my daughter was with me, “someone” took control of the car and brought us to safety (One as a car was barreling across freeway lanes ready to demolish us, one where a long iron rod came from nowhere and went straight through the windshield). My daughter and I were stunned, in awe, and Oh, so thankful!
I had been hospitalized twice for long periods with life-threatening septicemia (infections of blood stream) but have recovered completely.
Then, after I trudged along as an Administrator in a very toxic environment, an autoimmune disorder awakened my sensibilities to get me out. I developed ischemia of the blood vessels to the brain and the resulting neurological impairment prevented me from being able to process information quickly, created poor short term memory, and thus significantly interfered with my ability to perform my job effectively. This development was devastating in that it created an identity crisis: “Who am I now without my intellect? Many accolades had been received due to my once keen mind bolstering my ego after those tender years of parental emotional abuse.” I recovered once again but with residual effects.
So many times, my life on Earth could well have ended. Well, my life on Earth as it was, did end.
What was God trying to communicate?
Were these all wake-up calls?
Yes, undoubtedly, some were. I have come a long way on my spiritual path – often via circuitous routes…
Through others, I now believe that God just wanted me to know that I was truly loved. I accepted- eventually- that even though for so long I had felt undeserving, unworthy of such “protection,” that I MUST be worthy because I had received so much help in my life! Also, if I didn’t acknowledge that, it would seem that I was ungrateful- like a slap on the face of the Divine. I realized that God didn’t have the expectation for me to succeed by man’s standards, but by his/hers.
What a sense of relief… for most of my life, I had felt like a fish out of water- I simply didn’t understand the workings of this world!
For example, I had gotten the idea from an early age that my role was to do what I could to make life easier for everyone– to help out my sisters and brother- be their eyes at times… and if possible, perhaps provide the means to restore their physical sight. (I was actually given that opportunity. I- well, indirectly God did- put that “on hold” as I try to ascertain what indeed God wanted me to do.)
However, over the past few years, it became clear that was not the “vision” that God wanted restored. Divine Father-Mother gave me the opportunity to help them to see beyond the physical – to restore spiritual insight- faith in God’s plan… to be able to see possibilities. All my siblings had lost faith and that loss had disrupted their lives way beyond their diminishing eyesight.
Through much time in prayer and contemplation, I realized that all those in my family and many others whom I encountered throughout my life, seem to have lost that forward sight. While I discussed this topic often with God and others within the spiritual realm, I had not with those in this world. Well, until recently.
I have known Bishop Bobee Bearden for many, many years… (Over 20) and though we’ve discussed many spiritual (and worldly) matters, it was not until a month or so ago, that he honed in and took a very assertive stance as he addressed me.
“It is time that you accepted the profound nature of your responsibilities, Mary! You are an “Oracle”, a “WayShower”, as those others I’ve mentioned in the presentation. It is time for you to step up, accept and honor your role in God’s plan.”
I had honestly not considered it as a “role.” To me, it wasn’t anything special, it came naturally. All of my life, when I talked to God, Mother Mary, Guardian Angels, Jesus, Saints, deceased relatives, I was filled with love, a lightness of being, and yes, it was, and is, glorious! I just wanted to share this vision: “There is a brilliant Light at the end of every tunnel. Have no fear.”
I did not see that I, myself, was being called to an integral role. It was just what we humans “do” to support each other.
Yet, as I heard Bobee’s directives, I also thought of how my concepts of reality and truth have been shaped over the years, through experience, study and contemplation, and how I accept most of what presents itself with little resistance. Yes, I am gaining a better sense of God’s plan for me.
Also, since the Student Retreat, Blessed Solanus Casey has graced me with his humble presence and helped me to recognize the great importance of these simple gestures of love, kindness, Divine devotion, and wholehearted surrender to the will of God. He is teaching me, as Mother Teresa did, that being one with God, seeing through the eyes of Spirit as each moment unfolds and feeling connected in some way to everything on earth…. is fulfilling the greatest mission ever.
“I have found the paradox that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” -- Mother Teresa
“Spread the love of God through your life but only use words when necessary.” ― Mother Teresa
“There is a light in this world, a healing spirit more powerful than any darkness we may encounter.” ― Mother Teresa
“God has not called me to be successful. He has called me to be faithful.” ― Mother Teresa
“Yes, you must live life beautifully and not allow the spirit of the world that makes gods out of power, riches, and pleasure make you to forget that you have been created for greater things.” ― Mother Teresa
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Jeremiah 17: 7-8
“But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him.
They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”
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