The Healing Balm

 by Monk Raj Rana

The day begins and I am feeling rage once more. Rage held against family, former lovers, friends: the common factor being feeling betrayed. I see the mind movies of myself being “wronged” and hear the “cruel” voices of apparent mistreatment. This has been going on for months now…..Why!!!

My old way of dealing with rage or any other unwanted emotion was to squelch it, deny it and in later years use a technique/tool to be able to get rid of it; nothing worked for long. Now, I sat with the rage in acceptance, this being my chosen healing path by embracing wholeness i.e. acceptance of all parts of me. I acknowledge that my mind is made up of multiple parts/aspects each with their own needs but also gifts and lessons, however these parts are often in conflict. By bringing them the love, kindness and compassion of my greater Awareness/Beingness, these parts eventually dissolve or merge to leave a deeper connection to Divinity.

Constantly, the rage led me back to sadness; unmet expectations of the other/others/situation. Also the need to be right and them wrong was a big factor that prevented Forgiveness, the healing balm to all.

My enraged part was communicating by replaying specific past traumas and since the body cannot tell the difference between what is real and imagined, it felt like I was reliving those events; a communication means that was painful and felt relentless. Yet this is where kindness to myself as a practice was/ is so invaluable as is loving this wounded part of me just as I would love a hurt child: invariably that is what they are. By being with this part and inviting dialogue, I was surprised to find that it was asking the greater me to examine more closely the way I push people away from my life once I feel betrayed by them and that forgiveness can mean establishing stronger boundaries. It was indeed a surprise learning!

By being more open to my inner experience instead of judging and dismissing it, I have found so much more peace internally. Accepting situations as they are, even celebrating them by looking at what they taught me, invites forgiveness and this in turn leads to freedom. It can be a gradual process but so worthwhile. I was one to believe that freedom was to not to rely on others for anything. I now know it as surrender of my own story of my life and as this is practiced, I increasingly feel my Divine Self and power. My life naturally focuses anew on the magic of Being the world.