Saying Yes to God

 by Rev. Barbara Le Tourneau

Many of you know that I am a physician and practiced for years as an Emergency Physician. I went to the danger zone every time I worked. You may not know that I was a parachute jumping, bungee jumping risk taker who felt like I never really knew what my limitations were unless I was on that red-line overload. I went there over and over.

Then came the CLM education program. As I studied Ron Roth and other great masters I had an opening of my heart. I felt Spirit. I had the thrill of hearing God speak to me. When writing my reports and annual summaries I felt led by the Holy Spirit. Then Virginia Chapin-Sheff asked me to think about being ordained. I was flattered but coming from a medical and science background I had been taught that I had to rely on myself not God. I was taught that the strong rely on themselves and that religion is for the weak and only fools immerse themselves in it. Being ordained felt like religion. A few months later I said no again. But by that time, the Fire had taken hold of my heart.

I told myself being a priest was not who I am. I told myself I don’t have the faith to do that kind of work (whatever it was). But the Fire in my heart persisted. I cried and then I prayed to go back to my old self. But the Fire persisted. In a private session at the student retreat with Virginia and Bishop Bob Bearden I cried and I was consumed by Desire to be with God and I realized that it’s not enough just to stand outside the Fire. I agreed that if Spirit called me through Padre I would come.

When I was ordained I felt the Fire of Spirit consume me. I was taken to a communion with the Divine, to a love burning deep in my soul. The ultimate red-line overload was when I was standing inside the Fire. I had finally said yes to God and I continue to say yes.

Somehow we call people strong who think they can face the world on their own. Many think people are weak if they can’t face life without God. It’s hard to say yes to God. But here’s my new red-line overload, in the words of Garth Brooks, “I have a Love that is burning deep in my soul constantly yearning to get out of control, wanting to fly higher and higher, I can’t abide standing outside the Fire”.